by The Father’s Child

I was struck with remorse to look within myself. So much dirt of anger, jealousy and hatred; a strong feeling of greediness for all that’s good in the world to be mine. And what’s worse, to know that all my ill-feelings arise for objects of the world that isn’t permanent. Why, I do listen to Swami’s lectures, and am not quite sure where all of that goes in me. May be there’s really no point for me to sit and listen and read the various scriptures. What’s the feasibility of me developing a love for God in this birth? Despite knowing me for all my worth, my Father says, “Believe that you WILL reach God in this very birth”! He doesn’t speak a lie, but here, is he talking sense?

Just as I was spiraling down into the abyss of no-hope, a flickering spark arose in the same dirty mind – how am I able to see the dirt that’s covering ME now, whereas I’ve had many moments in life to contemplate when I sat and fooled myself? How did I not see these flaws, or well, the true colors of my mind, earlier?

Maybe, just maybe this in itself is the grace of the Satsang I get? Both weeds and plants may grow on a patch of land. The land nourishes both the varieties with all that it can offer, not differentiating except until the weed is rooted out. After that, although the weed may be lying on the land, so to speak, it is not nourished by the land anymore. Similarly, Thank God for the little bit of good within, that I was blessed with Satsang, the process of weeding out the dark side I guess must have begun, Hooray! Now that I see the weeds as they are getting pulled out one-by-one, I pray that my Father will protect from any weeds to grow in me again. I can’t wait for the day when my Father will turn me into the fertile land where God alone will blossom.

Now, that gives me some hope, and I can feel that little spark of hope fill my bosom with joy, knowing that it’s not so bad after all. Father, keep singing the Holy Name in my ears as you weed out all that’s a blockage.

With hope and joy, I light the diyas for Diwali and my heart sings,  “Jai Guru Maharaj Ki.” And I can see my Father smile, all the while continuing his hard work!
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